School of Rocks and University of Clouds present
Sensational Education through Delight of Senses
Our techniques include tumbling head over the hills down scree slopes, slipping and sliding on fresh cow dung, sucking on icicles while stuck deep in glacier caves where you crawled into to take photos and many other ways to make alpine experience memorable.
We specialize in relaxation through arduous walking, climbing and scrambling, re-establishment of severed umbilical connexions, bypassing the head and channelling vital energy flow from the primary source, and opening of rarely used airways to deliver oxygenated blood into cerebral nooks and crannies habitually reserved for times of high stress and panic attacks. All being a part of purification necessary to enter the realm of pure energies and silence, which is only possible when thinking is not in the way of the subtle currents. To help our minds crumble, we employ plant medicines in homeopathic quantities.
As far as practicalities are concerned, enjoyment is the key to the whole exercise, so you don’t want to be carrying much weight... it helps to know where fresh water can be gotten from during the hike and you want to have at least a vague sense of direction when the hilltops start dancing and shifting around, swapping ornaments of stone hedges and giving birth to rocky outcrops that previously weren’t there.
We hold grand re-opening ceremonies whenever you make it up the mountain slope. Term of study is life-long. Main subjects taught are surrender, losing hopes and kicking the bucket (bring your own bucket, please). Our ethics state that one must work hard, as a man only has that which he earns by the sweat of his brow, as far as progressing along the path of knowing thyself is concerned.
Benefits are too vast to mention. In fact, infinite. Number one, indefatigable enthusiasm for life. Number two, acceptance of the fact that you can’t own anything apart from what you are. Strangely enough, it’s more than what one normally asks for. Others include ability to walk for miles and put up with random outbursts of gibberish and out-of-key shamanic singing: don’t tell us we didn’t warn you. You will also become impervious to attacks of dogs, sometimes snarling back at them until you turn yourself into a wild animal – we’ve seen it happen. You also likely to come upon untapped deposits of zest in your base chakra, setting aglow your stomach and causing expansion in the chest cavity, eventually surfacing in garbled mumblings of affection towards strangers that happen to wave in your direction and many messages sent to overwhelm remote friends that you can only presume are listening to your exalted broadcast in the ether with epic accounts of your adventures.
As you can tell, it’s an advanced study and you must know exactly what you are getting into as we are incompetent baby sitters on the way of becoming children once again ourselves – that’s the ultimate goal, anyway. You will be embarking on the study of joy and being irresponsible.
Cost involved: you can donate afterwards whatsoever you deem appropriate, if you wish, to the School of Rocks and University of the Clouds, rest assured we will make a good use of your contribution... in saying that, there is no requirement to contribute or turn up for classes, as School of Rocks functions on principles of spontaneous reciprocation and sympathetic resonance, which are somewhat flimsy concepts in the manifested reality of solid cash yet rule in the realm of spirit and transient energy, moment to moment.
Our aim: the best thing that can happen, you may lose your head. And when it happens, our experienced staff will be there to make sure it remains out of sight for the duration of the journey. Generous supply of laughter is available at critical times to assist with dead-end situations involving shamanic dismemberment and loss of mental faculties. We have a fleet of butterflies accompanying us at all times and employ a great variety of crawling and buzzing entities to guide us along the way.
We practice restoration of faith and ditching responsibilities to the world; those who are not interested in ultimate liberation need not apply. Sorry, we are totally irresponsible and guilt free. In saying so, we do carry vessels of collapsed spirits down to warmth and safety first half dozen times... people normally get mountain feet after that. We do encourage you to find out just how far your endurance stretches before you have to burry your head in the snow as some of us done in the past... which is actually the best remedy in case of burning ice syndrome there is, that and shoving snow under your shirt and down your pants. In the School of Ice and Snow, getting embarrassingly wet is a basic requirement.
We often run, because it feels so goddamn good, not because we are in a hurry. We may have a perfect plan but we never really know where we are going, therefore the journey is undertaken for a sheer pleasure of having it and we endeavour to make it last as long as possible, although one is most likely to end up in a hot tub with a glass of chicha at the end of day.
In the School of Rocks we favour reductionists as they are lighter to travel with and carry their weight even further than one might expect. All entries are accepted indiscriminately as you must be godsend to read this far. And, if none of our staff are round, please do not wait: the playgrounds are open seven days a week, for your enjoyment and exploration. In fact, that’s one of our founding principles – never wait for anyone. Chances are you will see one of us up there in the hills, and you don’t even have to pause in your stride – a waving salute is all one can hope for these days. Besides, the one you are waiting for is already up there. Waiting on you, in fact, to catch up.
Yours truly and unruly, School of Rocks, Ice and Snow and University of Clouds, hovering always.
Feet are running because mind is unable stop. We work through body on most basic respiratory and circulatory levels. Likewise, running slows the mind down, and it feels sensational. Collapses are mostly caused by onsets of ecstatic bliss, yet it is preferable to know just how far you can go before you have to collapse. We are here to help each other to find out our limits and surpass them if need be.
To become a staff member, please stuff an envelope full of clouds, rapturous euphoria and sprinkle of mad ravings and send it to Nowhere in Particular, with much love. Alternatively, we do run a bloody website and it’s just a matter of typing your name and uploading a few photos. Like everything else, it is simply taking time of your life and an ounce of your precious energy which we all appreciate and adore. Our motto is Reach Out and Fake It Till you Make It (stuff your message with cotton wool clouds, if you can’t get hold of real vaporous ones – metaphors are also accepted).
By the way, a graduate of School of Rocks seeks employment opportunities and possible apprenticeship to further his studies in dimensions of art, music and energy with out of it folks who don’t mind passing their passion along. Your love and guidance are much appreciated.
Institute of Infancy and Rebirth
Our honourable founding member and the greatest (unfortunately, deceased) technical consultant in spiritual matters, can be accessed through a vast archival material available on World Wide Web by typing ‘Osho’ in the Google search bar, for free download and ingestion. We cannot stress just how vast and profoundly rich is understanding of this man. We owe him our sense of humour and he did save us from freezing to death in Hatun Machai cave where we were abandoned all alone with our omnivorous brains in the dark night of the soul.
Last but not least, please don’t hold your breath. You are a king of your kingdom, create it well and enjoy dwelling in it and pass it on the left side, as a friend of a friend once written in a note before plunging to his death of a cliff. School of Rock and Clouds is alive through legends that are no longer with us... no doubt having a wicked journey wherever they are.
School of Rocks is firmly based... in the rock, you guessed it, yet eventually we end up in the clouds. Our adventures have a fair share of clinging and grasping for our lives but we aspire to reach a zenith and a point of intimacy with fractal unfurling up above where dissolution follows most naturally and we do find ourselves floating agreeably alongside everything else... a part of landscape utterly content to be what it is, simple as dust under your feet and bleating of sheep in the distance.
To enter back into the womb of life, one must be as comfortable in oneself as at all possible; ask the clouds. By entering a sacred dimension, they say, one becomes an integral part of it by the way of purification and evaporation (quoting the nebulous), keeping freewheeling world forever fresh and vital, a big surprise one can never be prepared for. In the School of Rocks we find balance by losing it.
Founded in honour of legends we haven’t had a privilege to meet... some are still suckling on their mama’s breasts, topping up on that vital juice that will fuel and ignite home beacons for lost ships out there... cause let me tell you, with all these drugs going around the seas are getting crowded. Before you sail, be sure to kiss goodbye to your loved ones as you may discover your heart belongs to a pirate, a gypsy, a vagabond - or, worse still, a free spirit. No harbour is safe after that from enflamed passions brought ashore with rocking and humming of outlandish tunes. Tum-ti-dum... tra-la-la... just a thought for your penny.
(by Ronin Cushi - founding chapter, May 2012)
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